„Men are only human.” I recently said to a friend. She laughed and said this was a good blog title. As logical and simple as it may sound, for some women this is not always clear. Sometimes we forget that men are also vulnerable and in need of love, instead we expect them to be heroes all the time.
I often get emails from men who are actually afraid of women. Not of women in general, but of a few. It´s not the same like a spider phobia, but it is uncomfortable for them to spend a lot of time with a certain type of woman.
Some women, who see themselves as completely loving and caring, don´t understand that. “You’re a strong woman and men are afraid of you,” their friends tell them and they wonder why.
“Be right or be happy?” asks Marshall B. Rosenberg in his book on non-violent communication. It might be that you are right quite often and know a lot. It may be that you are very smart and often win.
Think about your childhood when you were playing hide-and-seek with another child and this child always won, was always faster than you and then also gave you the feeling that you were weaker; How often would you still want to play with this child?
A relationship is also a game, a great opportunity for being playful together and having fun.
Let him win sometimes, let him be right, let him be stronger, wiser or more experienced. Men also want to have right to be heard and be taken seriously. That won´t make us less smart, on the contrary, we have the opportunity to learn from HIM AND to be happy.
I have great respect for my mother and all the women of her generation. They were the first women to study, combine family and career. They are intelligent, warm and incredibly durable. They really don´t need a man to survive, they can do everything alone.
What they have taught us, unconsciously, is that we also think being a woman means being able to do everything without support. In some extreme situations, such as divorce, single parenthood or death it is indeed very important that we have this ability.
However, in everyday life it is more of a hindrance. Why?
What role does the man have?
Men want to feel needed, they want to be important and have meaning for us. When they feel that a woman does not give them the space to be important, they prefer to leave and look for a partner who appreciates them.
Who wants to have a happy relationship, has to let go oft this belief and enjoy life.
Women may also sit back and ask for help. They don´t need to do everything alone and they needn´t be perfect. She can be herself. Just like him.
Our society is performance-based. From an early age, we are praised for good grades and excellent performance. It already starts in the crèche: “Our Simone could already run at 11 months.” As if anyone hasn´t learned that …
As children, we quickly understand: we get love for good performance.
After school, we start studying and give everything. That’s great and very important for our career.
But: If you think you will be loved for your performance, you will be disappointed.
Mum and Dad will still appreciate good grades, promotions or special services, but your dream partner won´t be impressed with that.
If you want to flirt with someone you fancy, it is more advisable to talk about personal interests of your performance. “Hello I’m Petra and I have the best grades at university.” … Hmmm … I am not quite sure if that would sound attractive to a guy.
No one should be defined by his/her success. Self-worth does not come from there, self-esteem doesn´t depend on money or success. The feeling that you have when you were just totally unsuccessful, shows how high or low your self-worth is.
Do you love yourself just like that? With all your corners and edges?
If yes, then you are ready for the perfect relationship!!
Life is not predictable and that´s a good thing. Imagine, you would know exactly what happens in the next 20 years. Wouldn´t that be totally boring?
A partner who tries to plan everything and is totally inflexible, often destroys joy and spontaneity of a healthy relationship.
Planning is very good if you found a company.
Planning is nice but unnecessary, whenever you’re dealing with people, because they are unpredictable.
Let you go of having to control everyghing, enjoy the river of life and its infinite possibilities.
A controlling woman drives away love and passion. A man mustn´t be controlled, the male should be free and self-determined. Only then you can make your man happy; only when he really feels free.
Emily says: Liam is in love with me, but he isn´t successful enough for me. Michael would be interesting, but he is a bit too small. Christian is tall and successful, but he has to lose a few pounds …
The only person who would really be Mr. Perfect for her, has no interest in her. Why? Because he feels that she will never be satisfied and that it is impossible to be good enough for her. Even Mr. Perfect has some dark sides and she will surely find them. Right Away. She will make him feel bad and forget his positive qualities.
To select a partner, it is important to know exactly what you want in a relationship and what you don´t want.
A relationship only works when we accept our partner the way he is. If you want him to be happy, he needs to feel loved and accepted as he is.
Don´t we all want that?
Men are only human. Let’s give them a chance to be real men.
xoxo Miss P