50 Shades of Grey – a modern fairy tale?

Finally, “50 Shades of Grey” comes into our cinemas. Some cannot wait, others will find all the fuss about Anastacia and Christian Grey already stupid.

No matter how you feel about it, you can´t really ignore 50 Shades of Grey.

Why has this story of the innocent, young Anastacia being in a very dominant relationship with this disturbed, rich man touched so many women?

Why do so many women secretly desire to experience such a love story?

50 Shades of Grey is a classic fairy tale. It has the same structure as many old tales that we used to love as children.


The innocent, beautiful “princess” Anastacia is still a virgin and she is very smart and very pretty. However, at the beginning she doesn´t really know how beautiful she is and she cannot dress well. Christian helps her and she turns into a stunning beauty. (A bit like Cinderella or Rapunzel …)

CONCLUSION: “You are prettier than you think, the right man helps you to feel really beautiful.

Who doesn´t want that? We all want a man with whom we feel like a beautiful, desirable princess.

Christian is rich and he can afford everything. He cares for her and she doesn´t need to do anything, even breakfast is served and the right, perfectly fitting clothes are bought for her. (a real Prince Charming)

CONCLUSION: “He gives you security. You can relax and you will get everything you desire for the rest of your life …

For many women, security is a very important, very high value. That is – from the point of view of evolution – absolutely fine and nothing we would change.

However: The sense of security should not necessarily depend on his money …

Christian relationally disturbed. At the beginning, he is not open to her, she can rarely touch him and he cries in his sleep. She heals him through her love and innocence and he can open himself to her. (This is the dream of many women: Through me he will change.)

CONCLUSION: “I can heal him, through me he learns for the first time what is true love and I will make him happy…

Christian is dominant, possessive, an alpha male. He is stronger than any other and defies danger. If other men are standing stuck in a traffic jam, he can take his helicopter.

Christian is like Superman, only sexier and real (!).

Because in comparison to Superman, Batman or James Bond, we forget that Christian is also only a fairy tale character. He is an illusion that plays with our innermost needs and desires and therefore fascinates us.

Beware if you start looking for your Christian Grey!

Unconsciously, the book and the hype about BDSM has influenced us. We want an alpha male, beautiful, rich, dominant who makes us a princess and we show him love.

The problem is:

1. Anastacia and Christian are fairytale characters: they are perfect: beautiful, smart and successful. In real life, all people have their dark sides. If we take the two unconsciously as role models for our own relationships, we can only be disappointed.

Your real dream man is a normal person.

You’re a normal person. You are both very special, especially for one another. Films or books like this, as wonderful as they are to read, distort our view of reality. Although if we used to be completely satisfied with our dream man, then we might now question him.


2. In Shades of Grey, everything is based on Christian’s money and power. Imagine Christian Grey would be a normal auto mechanic and had a small apartment in Seattle. Would this story still be attractive? No, probably not. But it would be more real.

Money and power have nothing to do with a fulfilling relationship.

With money you can buy food, a home and it provides security for the future. Money is great and you can do amazing things with it. But you can´t get love with it. You can have a happy loving relationship with your partner if you live in a box.

3. Anastacia shows Christian true love and he finally opens up. In real life, Christian would be extremely relationally disturbed and would need a lot of therapy. The love of a woman can move mountains! I agree. BUT: To many women suffer because they think it´s their duty to chance a relationally disturbed man.

Men are not there to be changed and healed by us.
Men are there to be loved just as they are and to be admired for what they do and how they are. And to let go in their strong arms and feel safe. We can support them with our great love, but you’ll be much happier if you keep looking for a man who can love and also wants to be loved.

CONCLUSION: 50 Shades of Grey is a wonderful excursion into a fantasy world. It is beautiful, thrilling and exciting. Almost as beautiful, thrilling and exciting as the real world, the world in which you play the starring role.

You are precious and wonderful as you are and you are worth to be loved.

xoxo Miss P


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