How and when does a loose affair become a fixed relationship?

June 27, 2012

After weeks of dating, talking on the phone and chatting you maybe got the impression that you found the right guy. He’s smart, funny, sensitive and sexy. You’ve been dating for some time and you think he has fallen as much in love with you as you have with him.

You’ve only left out “the one conversation”. You’re not sure about if he’s only dating you, or also others. Are you able to introduce him to your friends as “your boyfriend” or only with a simple “That’s…”?

Anyway – before you start this conversation you have to think about it. Once you’ve started there´s no way back. Say too much too early and he’ll be gone. But you also don’t want to wait and go crazy because of the unknown, or even waste your time with somebody who does not want to get close to you.

So, how do you go about it?

Of course it’s the best thing if he starts the conversation. How do you get him to do so? That needs some skillful negotiations!

Rule #1:

Every time you want something, be sure to negotiate from a stronger position. In this case you want him as your boyfriend, don’t you? You want him to date only you and that you are the only one for him. How much persuasiveness do you need for him to also want you? What is it that he would get from you then that he doesn’t get from you anyway?

Of course it would be the wisest choice not to sleep at his place, keep him waiting for a loooong time, leaving right after dinner and simply let him wait until he moves out with the question himself. In this case, you’re in a stronger position. Why should you become intimate with somebody who does no want to commit to someone?

However, the reality is usually different. You haven’t only already slept at his place, you also have had sex with him. Now you’re definitely in the weaker position because you have nothing left that he hasn’t had yet.

Rule #2:

Play with the “fear of loss”. After a nice dinner and a cozy cuddle on the couch, give im a hug and a kiss – and say goodbye. It would be time for you to go home. Surely he’ll be shocked and wonder why you already have to go. Now you can tell him that you really like him, but all of this would be a little too fast for you. You want things to slow down a bit because after weeks of dating you don’t know how you should think about your relationship. But – maybe he does? That’s the moment in which you simply have to be calm and let him answer.
(Raised eyebrows subconsciously motivate your opposite to say something!)

If he says: “it’s working kinda good” dont let him come away with this. Use a pensive glance and just dont answer with a “Uhmmm, ok”. Use the silence to your advantage. The one who breaks it loses! If he really wants you, he will start to talk again. But what if you’re the weaker anyway, the game with the fear of loss didn’t work and you’re sitting at home thoughtful? Then Rule #3 occurs in force.

Rule #3:

Be strong enough to leave him! He let you go home without giving you a call. He didnt want to keep you there or go deeper into the subject. OK. Stay calm and stick to your word! What ever you’re feeling right now, dont do anything wrong. You’re not able to discuss anything right now. Just give him time. Now you’re no longer available, he’ll miss or forget you. You just have to be patient and see which of the options he’ll choose!

If you don’t hear anything from him and he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings then there’s only one reason: He has none for you!

At this point you should forget it and move on. You already know: NEXT!
If he gets in touch with you once again, you’re in the stronger position. Don’t miss that opportunity again!
Abstain and let him fight!!!

You’ll see, with these rules you’ll get the man of your dreams to truly stand by you! Find out more about this in Module 2 of my book “Pandora’s Secret”.